Many years ago, it was decided for us that neurotypical brains would be the ones we would build a society around. If we step back, we can see how workplaces, schools, families, and many other institutional structures all support and reflect the neurotypical brain.
Even the social rules of relationships and day-to-day interactions are held to this standard. For instance: in our culture, it’s deemed ‘unacceptable’ to divert our gaze when having a discussion, yet for many neurodivergent individuals they might struggle to maintain eye contact due to difficulty with focus or over-stimulation. In some cases, their offset gaze might even be a strategy to listen-in better.
What our society has deemed ‘socially appropriate’ places a heavy burden on neurodivergent individuals, as they may find themselves needing to over-compensate, frequently apologize, and even fight their true nature so they can fit in. Since the dawn of time, we’ve carried with us an instinctual and survival-dependent need to be part of a group, a team, a family, a tribe. This is why anyone who doesn’t “fit in” will often forfeit their authenticity to maintain the status quo. But…what if we didn’t have to?
This all gets me thinking about belonging. Imagine: what would the world be like if we acknowledged that each brain holds unique capacities and is inherently valuable? Of course, there are commonalities in the way our brains work as well, but it seems to me that we’ve “set up shop” on this notion, and excluded everyone who doesn’t match the specific, neurotypical profile.
And, imagine: what if we also viewed each individual’s brain as a teacher—with much to offer us in expanding our viewpoints and values? What if we became more teachable rather than trying to force our ways of being on others?
These may seem like lofty ideas that are too difficult and impossible to attain, but I would offer that it’s much harder to expect everyone to fit into one pre-set, neurotypical mold. In holding up this strict expectation, we are being asked to abandon reality, to live in non-truth. And, living in this fantasy that we will all look the same, learn the same, express ourselves in the same way…although appearing to be the “simple and straightforward” way to understand others…causes heaps of strife and resistance.
Fostering true belonging and pushing back against the years of cultural messaging about who’s brain is valuable and who’s isn’t, begins inside each of us. Can we make space for every brain? And, more than this, can we see the inherent value of each individual? By peeling back the layers of cultural messaging, we can begin to open ourselves up to the possibility that every person we meet has something to teach us—just by being their authentic self. In doing so I believe we, too, move closer to our true nature and align ourselves with this truth: We All Belong.
An Invitation to Reflect:
*In what situations, institutions, communities, or relationships do you notice the neurotypical brain is reflected and supported, but the neurodivergent brain is not?
*When do you notice yourself trying to fit in to the notion that “all brains should behave in the same way”?
*For the neurodivergent individual: In what situations do you notice you can be your most authentic self? When do you notice you have thoughts or feelings that your brain is not just capable…but magnificent?
*If you are neurodivergent, imagine the idea: what if I could do or be anything? If you had no constraints or ‘fitting-in’ left to do, what would you do with your life? How can you move yourself a little closer to that imagined life?
Photos courtesy of: Nathan Anderson (2) and Amer Mughawish (3)
