In these changing and complex times, educators and parents are expressing a strong interest in how to foster resiliency in young children. According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, “being resilient means overcoming tough situations such as losing a pet or failing a test…it is the ability to recover from difficult times” (1).
As educators, the children we serve will naturally face challenges in the classroom during the process of learning. On top of this, children are faced with the social demands of co-habitating with several other children (perhaps for the first time), busy classroom schedules, rapid developmental growth, challenges they may be carrying from home-life, and more. And so, it’s important that we understand how to foster resiliency—ensuring that children can thrive when things get tough.
4 Ways Educator’s Can Foster Resiliency in Children:
- 1) Provide the “Path of Optimal Resistance”
Supporting children’s resiliency begins by engaging in developmentally appropriate practice. As was mentioned, young children will naturally face challenges throughout the day, so ensuring unnecessary pressures and obstacles are kept to a minimum is key. When we keenly observe children and understand the progression of children’s development, we can provide learning experiences, interactions, and classroom settings that are not unreasonably difficult—causing excessive frustration (or, too easy—causing boredom and disengagement). Instead, we want to offer experiences that stretch children’s capacity, without placing unreasonable expectations on them.
For instance, when a preschooler is getting ready for outdoor play, we might encourage them to put on their coat independently. This may be moderately challenging for them, but not outside of their current window of development. However, when they attempt to zip it up, we may notice that this step is new and overly challenging for them, and so, we can support them during this portion by modelling and explaining how to complete this step. We may also provide visuals to support their understanding. By scaffolding their learning, we are still allowing children to face the challenges and complexities of experiences (putting on their coat), while also having a keen awareness of where we can support them along the way when tasks are beyond their developmental scope (by way of modeling, visuals, explanations, etc.). To be clear, this isn’t about providing children with the “path of least resistance”, it’s about providing them with the “path of optimal resistance.
In short, by remaining rooted in developmentally appropriate practice and establishing reasonable expectations of children, we provide optimal experiences that remind children of their competencies.
- 2) Resist the Urge to “Fix”
Immediately following our first principle, I want to dive-into discussing the notion of “resisting the urge fix”. Challenges are a natural part of life, and we want to focus on supporting children’s resiliency during tough times. Dr. Becky Kennedy, Child Psychologist, aptly states “we want to focus on establishing long-term resiliency, not short-term happiness.” (2) As educators and caregivers, we can sometimes find ourselves wanting to immediately “fix” children’s problems, to ensure they never experience uncomfortable feelings. This approach is not only unrealistic, but it also undercuts resiliency. Instead, it reminds children they are not capable or competent, and that they can’t do hard things.
As was mentioned, we don’t want to have unrealistic expectations of children that cause them to “give up”, AND we also don’t want to lean too far in the other direction of removing all opportunities for them to challenge themselves and stretch their capacity.
Consider this: when children face issues with sharing, we can resist the urge to step in before they have a chance to problem-solve. By standing back and observing, you may notice they find a resolution that works well for them. If the situation escalates, we need not step in to solve the issue for them, instead we can say “I notice you both want to play with the blue elephant today, but we only have one. How can we solve this problem?”. Then, we can wait for the children to come up with a solution. This teaches children that they have the capacity to face challenges and equips children with the skills they’re employing along the way. In this case, these children are learning how to navigate a complex social situation that requires problem-solving, creativity, perspective-taking, and compromise.
- 3) Support Children’s Emotional World
Oftentimes, when children face challenges, difficult emotions are a part of the process. As educators, we can play a key role in helping children meet up with their big feelings, offering them the emotional stamina necessary to remain with the challenge until it is resolved.
Let me illustrate this with an example: A child is angry because play time is coming to an end. You notice the child’s anger, and instead of adding “5 more minutes to play time” because of the situation (a quick fix), you can help them: 1) acknowledge their feelings, 2) remove the shame they may be experiencing because of the big feelings, and 3) remind them that you’re in their corner. This might sound like: “I can tell you’re angry and frustrated because you wanted more play time (acknowledge feelings). When I want more time to do something I love, I get upset too (remove shame). I’m here for you through this (remind them of your unconditional support).”
When we offer children compassion, time, and space for their emotions during tough times, they’re developing the capacity to meet their emotions with kindness. (emotional intelligence)—and, in developing this skill, they are increasing their “resiliency bandwidth”.
- 4) Model Resiliency
Children pay attention to how we navigate challenges, and this provides them with a “resiliency blueprint”. And so, we can ask ourselves: How are we meeting up with everyday turbulences?
Here’s a few strategies we can keep in mind when challenges arise, to promote our own resiliency:
~ Facing the Situation: The first step in promoting our own resiliency is facing the facts and being honest about the situation. Scientists have discovered that denial of reality weakens us during tough times. In facing the situation head-on, we can begin to take proactive measures to navigate the situation. Perhaps your cherished program classroom is being renovated, and you’re moving to a new space indefinitely. If we choose to focus on the classroom we’re used to being in (and doing things the same way we’ve always done it), instead of embracing the new space—we will hinder our ability to see the many possibilities that exist in the new classroom and move forward.
~ Humility is Key: It’s important to recognize when our pride gets in the way. When we can humbly face a situation, we are more willing to imagine all the possibilities at our disposal to thrive. For example, when facing challenges in our practice, we must recognize and admit when we need pedagogical support, which will open us up to acquiring a coach or mentor.
~ Be Flexible: Knowing when to bend (manage our expectations) is crucial, to ensure we don’t break under the pressure and our priorities are in order. Let’s imagine a large cohort of new children are entering your program. During this time, you know the focus must be on supporting the children through this significant transition. To do this effectively, you may need to divert your attention away from other aspects of your practice to make space for this new, important focus. If you try to “do it all”, the transition may be extra challenging for the children, and you may miss out on crucial opportunities to establish meaningful connections with them.
~ Embrace the Wait: Until the challenge passes, we can practice patience and acceptance. This will increase our endurance and offers us strength to make it through. Patience also opens the door to creative possibilities while we wait. For example, when COVID hit, childcare centres had to accept this new reality and practice patience—embracing the state of our world (and sector) for a time, and in doing so, they were able to settle-into the moment and find creative ways to keep everyone safe.
In the end, I believe that resiliency is a skill to be honed. And, this skill is becoming increasingly necessary during these times of rapid change and uncertainty. If we can place resiliency at the forefront of our practice, we can create the necessary conditions for a buoyant, thriving classroom!
References:
(1) Scherban, D. (2021, April 14). What is resiliency?. CMHA Calgary. https://cmha.calgary.ab.ca/what-is-resiliency/
(2) Perry, T. (2023, May 9). “parenting whisperer” shares why it’s better to teach kids resiliency than to focus on happiness. Upworthy. https://www.upworthy.com/parenting-tips
